And the actual retail price is: Penicillin Part 2: A New Discovery

Scientist 1: Damn it all.
Scientist 2: What is it now?
Scientist 1: Fleming! He is the problem! He scrapes the scum from MY trash ages ago, and the bastard is famous…Nobel prize famous!
Scientist 2: And? He’s dead and we’re not. Think, somehow we’re still alive and it’s the 21st century!
Scientist 1:…You incorrigible buffoon. Can you not see that he won? He is remembered for saving millions of lives, and what do I have? I got a disease named after me. And not just any disease: Shrinking Genital Appendage Syndrome. Do you have any idea what that means? They’re going to put “little dick guy” on my tombstone, whenever I die, that is. Damn it all to hell!
Scientist 2: Stop for a moment! Fleming is dead. Cold as a cucumber. WE are alive, and we can get it up, especially since I’ve got Viagra. With the invention of Viagra, you will hence forth be no longer known as the man with Shrinking Genital Appendage Syndrome.
Scientist 1: What will they think of next?
Scientist 2: Do you want to get back at Fleming? Get a lady of the night, tape a picture of him to the headboard of your motel bed, and raise you middle finger in triumphant anger as streetwalker engages you in oral intercourse. That should, nay, it WILL help you feel better.
Scientist 1: That’s wrong, just wrong, so…brilliant! I’LL DO IT!!!

TWO WEEKS LATER…
Scientist 1: Buffoon. (cough)
Scientist 2: I’ll regret this…what is it this time?
Scientist 1: Well, I did what you said, and I’ll be damned if I did not thoroughly enjoy myself. But (cough) now I have been struck with a terrible affliction since being in that filthy, detestable motel. To make a long story short, I’m dying.
Scientist 2: Wait, WHAT!?
Scientist 1: I am going to die now, all because of that bastard Fleming.
Scientist 2: Okay, enough is enough! Listen, you pitiful excuse for a scientist! So the fellow made something work from your failure, it does not make your failures all his fault! Maybe you need to just get the “fuck over it” as people say and move on! GOD DAMN IT!
Scientist 1: …(cough)
Scientist 2: Now maybe you will think about ending this stupid (cough)(cough)…
Scientist 1: Ho-ho! Welcome to my world!
Scientist 2: So what? I’ll get some (cough) PENICILLIN and take care of it. See, it helps.
Scientist 1: I, and now you, have STAPH infection. Penicillin created this illness, and it cannot stop it. Congratulations, sir, you are now as the young people say (cough) fucked.
Scientist 2: …………Damn it all