And the actual retail price is: Penicillin Part 2: A New Discovery

Scientist 1: Damn it all.
Scientist 2: What is it now?
Scientist 1: Fleming! He is the problem! He scrapes the scum from MY trash ages ago, and the bastard is famous…Nobel prize famous!
Scientist 2: And? He’s dead and we’re not. Think, somehow we’re still alive and it’s the 21st century!
Scientist 1:…You incorrigible buffoon. Can you not see that he won? He is remembered for saving millions of lives, and what do I have? I got a disease named after me. And not just any disease: Shrinking Genital Appendage Syndrome. Do you have any idea what that means? They’re going to put “little dick guy” on my tombstone, whenever I die, that is. Damn it all to hell!
Scientist 2: Stop for a moment! Fleming is dead. Cold as a cucumber. WE are alive, and we can get it up, especially since I’ve got Viagra. With the invention of Viagra, you will hence forth be no longer known as the man with Shrinking Genital Appendage Syndrome.
Scientist 1: What will they think of next?
Scientist 2: Do you want to get back at Fleming? Get a lady of the night, tape a picture of him to the headboard of your motel bed, and raise you middle finger in triumphant anger as streetwalker engages you in oral intercourse. That should, nay, it WILL help you feel better.
Scientist 1: That’s wrong, just wrong, so…brilliant! I’LL DO IT!!!

TWO WEEKS LATER…
Scientist 1: Buffoon. (cough)
Scientist 2: I’ll regret this…what is it this time?
Scientist 1: Well, I did what you said, and I’ll be damned if I did not thoroughly enjoy myself. But (cough) now I have been struck with a terrible affliction since being in that filthy, detestable motel. To make a long story short, I’m dying.
Scientist 2: Wait, WHAT!?
Scientist 1: I am going to die now, all because of that bastard Fleming.
Scientist 2: Okay, enough is enough! Listen, you pitiful excuse for a scientist! So the fellow made something work from your failure, it does not make your failures all his fault! Maybe you need to just get the “fuck over it” as people say and move on! GOD DAMN IT!
Scientist 1: …(cough)
Scientist 2: Now maybe you will think about ending this stupid (cough)(cough)…
Scientist 1: Ho-ho! Welcome to my world!
Scientist 2: So what? I’ll get some (cough) PENICILLIN and take care of it. See, it helps.
Scientist 1: I, and now you, have STAPH infection. Penicillin created this illness, and it cannot stop it. Congratulations, sir, you are now as the young people say (cough) fucked.
Scientist 2: …………Damn it all

Let It Be Said, "Here's a List"

What We're Doing This Summer

• Watching the Complete Ernest Movie Collection. "Hey Vern! KnowhutImean?"


• Helping a group of rambunctious neighborhood kids solve a centuries old town mystery


• Entering into a cryogenic sleep until the beginning of the Fall semester


• Two words: Pogs tournament


• Your mom


• Debating the differences between Captain Softee and Mister Softee (and whether it is a conspiracy)


• Not wearing pants


• Apologizing for that mom joke (She really is a lovely woman)


• Putting things (in parenthesis)


• Working crappy summer jobs cause we "gots to get paid"


• Trying to build a laser beam


• Simultaneously playing Ghostbuster: The Role Playing Game AND Ghostbusters: The Video Game


• And...come up with better material for these posts!

Let It Be Said, "The Discovery of Penicillin"

• Scientist #1: Gross.
• Scientist #2: What?
• Scientist #1: You forgot to clean out the Petri dishes.
• Scientist #2: Oh. Sorry.
• Scientist #1: Look. There�s bacteria gunk growing in it!
• Scientist #2: Eww. Should we throw it out?
• Scientist #1: No. I have a hypothesis. Sniff it.
• Scientist #2: Okay (sniffs).
• Scientist #1: Are you getting high?
• Scientist #2: No.
• Scientist #1: Damn. Now eat it.
• Scientist #2: Alright (chews).
• Scientist #1: Are you high now?
• Scientist #2: Nope.
• Scientist #1: Not a single hallucinogenic side effect?
• Scientist #2: No. I�m not feeling anything. My polio is clearing up nicely, though.
• Scientist #1: Absolute failure! I thought we had something for a minute there.
• Scientist #2: I concur. This discovery was a complete failure.
• Scientist #1: Lab assistant Alexander Fleming! Come and dispose of this, this�
• Scientist #2: Penicillin.
• Scientist #1: Yes. Come and dispose of this terribly useless penicillin!
• Scientist #2: A total failure for the scientific community indeed (sigh).

Let It Be Said, This Was the First Post

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls of all ages, and whatever that thing is standing in the back (I'm not sure what it is, but its creeping me out), let me be the first to welcome you to "The Green Is Not Light". What is "TGINL", you ask? Well, Scooter, it is a blog personally dedicated to the analysis, comment, and review of all things pertaining, but not limited to: Comedy, Video Games, Popular Culture, Ghostbusters, and pretty much whatever the hell my motley crew and I decide is worthy of blogging about-which will probably be anything at all...anything; we complain A LOT.

And it has arrived just in time for the Easter season, or just right after, y'know, the period of 30 some-odd days when Jesus hung around after the Resurrection, but before he ascended into Heaven? Figured now, with this new blog and everything, I'd whip this bad boy out for y'all to laugh at and really, stir up some deep thought provoking conversation.